Northern Iowa Delta Chi

GLOBAL STAR NEWS

9-22-1999 vol. 4
archives
vol. 1 - vol. 2 - vol. 3
Star Trek is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures
EDITOR'S NOTE ----- Wow!!! 4 volumes already. Believe it or not, there are now REQUESTS for this periodical to be updated. My staff works on these as fast as possible. I held off on volume 4 as long as I did to have it released for the fall semester. I am pleased no one has yet to complain about this page, so the corporate censors must realize the humor in it all. This is seriously put together for fun, but most of the articles have some truth in them. I am not a complete liar! Remember to send your pics and stories to: dchi(at)errthum.com or gbv1(at)hotmail.com.

COLUMN 1 GIRL

Introducing this volume's C1G (among the glamorous playboys of Northern Iowa Delta Chi): Mrs. Troy Errthum, otherwise known as Marty. Marty was quite often a visitor of the House during her stay at UNI. She was one of the few girl friends who stayed with their man through a Delta Chi presidential term. This requires almost as much dedication as a member. She also brought at least one potential over who ended up joining (every members goal). Before I hear any calls of bios, may I remind you I am the editor and I pick them as I see them!!!

COVER MODEL

If you pick up next month's edition of Cigar Aficionadoe (not to be confused with the other famous cigar magazine) you will see none other then Ted Connell, Northern Iowa DChi. The magazine was looking for a fresh face for their article on young college age cigar lovers. Ted beat out 1000 other fresh faces from colleges all over the US and Canada. C.A. publisher, Larry Falco, stated that Ted was the only decent looking applicant and an obvious choice for the cover. Mr. Falco downplayed Ted's accomplishment by stating most of the models interviewed were ugly, smelly, and coughed so much they could not get any good pictures. Way to go Ted!

THAT UGLY NEXT MORNING

You've been there. A friend is flirting with something he shouldn't be and he shrugs off your warnings. Then the next day he wakes up in horror. Well this is that story. Rusty's friends warned him at the bar he was ugly, but he thought they were just being rude. This picture shows the inevitable next morning. Look at the shock on Rusty's face as he wakes up next to Zach Beschorner on the DChi House floor. We called Rusty's owners and they came to pick him up under much embarassment. You better believe that Rusty will listen to his friends next time before leaving the bar with someone. On top of that, poor Rusty has to deal with Zach's repeated phone calls. Zach just doesn't understand that it was a one night fling. Just another reason to only put water in your waterbowl.

JOHN GOODMAN INFILTRATES THE HOUSE

Amazing news has just come in from Hollywood. Everyone knows John Goodman from TV's Rosanne and the hit movie The Big Lebowski, and everyone at the House knows Tim Ovel. But who would have known that they are the same person! My Californian connections now tell me that John's next movie is a remake of the 70's hit movie Animal House. Apparently, to get into his role, Mr. Goodman, aka 'Tim', became a DChi. Filming will begin next spring. Notice that Tim is planning on leaving Cedar Falls for an "opportunity." When asked to comment on this article, Tim (John) said,
"Wow, being featured in the DChi tabloid is bigger than Roseanne's ass! As for the remake of Animal House, it takes place twenty-five years later. I'm Bluto, comprimising John Belushi's role, but now I'm a U.S. Senator trying to save the Delta house from the evil clutches of Dean Remrow, the NEW evil Dean with designs on making the old Delta House the new house for his fraternity, SAP (who lose theirs in a horrible microwave cooking accident in the beginning of the movie). It should be hilarious, with many returning actors like Tim Matherson, Don Sutherland, as well as this new kid actor Adam Powell" (featured in GSN vol. #1).

GLOBAL STAR NEWS AT THE IOWA STRAW POLL

It was my pleasure to attend the event with our political analyst, Troy Beam. Both of us visited every politician's tent and heard every speech given in the auditorium. While in line for lunch near Forbe's air conditioned tent, we met Bob Barr. We shook his hand and thanked him for his work on the House Judiciary Committee.

The next famous person we found was liberal comic, Al Franken. Beam asked him, "Do you still think Rush is a big fat idiot, or is he now just a big idiot since he lost 80 pounds?" Franken ran away muttering, "I am good enough, I am smart enough..."

We also spoke with Pat Buchanaon. I commented on how much we loved him on the McLaughlin Group and couldn't wait for his return after the election. Beam stated that he probably wouldn't return to the show after winning the election. Pat laughed.

When all the candidates got up on stage, Beam and I realized that we couldn't lose. Everyone of them is worthy to be president. But, of course, we had our favorites. Click **here** for our comments about each one and how we ranked them.

Best line of the day--when asked what would be the first thing Buchanon would do as president of the U.S.--"Bill Clinton, you have the right to remain silent..." We finished off the day drinking at the OP in Cedar Falls to show off our new shirts.

BLAST FROM THE PAST

As a periodical we have to make our money somehow, so here's an advertisement. Actually this is an old one published in the Northern Iowa. Kind of funny. ----editor