Happy Birthday GSN, kick ass!!!
Hidy ho, happy holidays, also!
Southpark characters are copyrighted, not to be used for profit
Have a safe holiday and good luck if you're flying on New Year's Eve!
Happy Birthday GSN, kick ass!!!
| 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY ISSUE!!!!! That's right, 1 whole year of the GSN.
Of course, I wouldn't be able to pull if off without my staff(hehe, I typed staff) and all of the photo takers out there.
As editor, my goal for the paper is to use it as a tool to bring us closer together through love and....crap, who am I kidding?
I love to make fun out of my Brothers! The reason I started this tabloid was to use it as a vessel to post some pictures and maybe make someone laugh.
Mission accomplished in my opinion. You can send in your own knee slappers and diary entries to: dchi(at)errthum.com or gbv1(at)hotmail.com. Have a safe holiday and good luck if you're flying on New Year's Eve! |
COLUMN 1 GIRL
SMOKER FUNDS SHORT "Am I to understand that you completed you entire Associate Membership training with only one Cornerstone?" That's the fact Jack!
Here we see the new associate members taking a much needed break from their studies. This year has been tough on the Delta Chi chapter at Northern Iowa. Funds are so low that they had only enough to purchase one Cornerstone for every thirty new members. They were even forced to eat at Taco Bell for the ceremony since that is all they could afford. One new member was quoted as saying that he didn't mind having to share the Cornerstone with thirty of his brothers, and with all the beans they're eating the house has never reached higher temperatures as the cold weather sets in. We asked President and resident-head, Tony, on the situation as to their lack of funds. Tony replied, "We have spent the majority of our money maintaining our kick ass website with the most awesome BBS ever!" Y2K BUGGY
We are all familiar with the Y2k bug and how some people are petrified of it. Daryl Kruse is one of these people.
Family and friends have reported that he is holing himself up in one of his apartments. Daryl has left everyone around him saying they are crazy not to be planning for total anarchy!
There is of great concern for his mental condition as he threatens to shoot anyone that comes near his stash of food and supplies.
This is just a police stand off waiting to happen.In other Y2k news, Mike Formanek intends to trap Daryl's sister-in-law, Tracy, in an elevator as the clock rolls over New Year's Eve.... |
MORE ADDICTION PROBLEMS AT DCHI
It is known that Beavis and Butthead are the immature heroes of Drew McConnell and Dan Nelson. In one episode on MTV, the 2 idiots try to get 'high' by licking a toad.
Well as soon as Chad Burress brought his iguana over, Dan and Drew were all over it. After perturbing the lizard for several moments it did a number 1 on them.
Both Drew and Dan became deathly ill (far from being 'high') and were committed to the UNI Health services. It has been learned that they were given the default orange pills and released.
Lizard licking has since been outlawed in the House.
DCHI DEMONS
Finally the truth is revealed! Here we see our once beloved alumni, Todd Elliott and Troy Beam, in their true form.
They revealed their true selves in conjunction with the end of the millennium.
Beam stated their reason was that they were tired of living a lie and that everyone should know that they are Satan's minions!
Elliott explained that they had been sent to Earth to find new recruits for Beelzebub himself!!!
They had posed as college students and became members of the Delta Chi fraternity to meet possible hell worshippers.
Unfortunately they had under estimated the power of Delta Chi and were unable to bring anyone over to the dark side.
It appears the men of the UNI fraternity have developed a strong immunity to any powers not of this earth.
When interviewed, alumnus Mike Formanek had this to say about the revelation of these two members as being sons of Satan: "I always thought there was something fruity about those two."
Mike also explained the reason why the rest of Delta Chis were impervious to Satan's charms.
"Well, if you have to know, our intake of alcohol pretty much keeps all spirits away, good or bad."
TONY STOMPS PARIS Godzilla? King Kong? No, Tony!!!
This picture is from GSN's foreign correspondent post in Paris, France. It clearly shows a super-sized Delta Chi president climbing up the Eiffel Tower.
The FBI and FDA were able to trace this back to a Burrito Night at the NI DChi house.
Our inside reporters are now saying that one piece of evidence taken from the house was a kitchen cabinet door with alumnus Pete Cuff's recipe written on it.
However, in clearly different handwriting someone added 1 stick of Plutonium to the ingredient list.
Noone is quite sure who wrote it, but the prime suspects include both of the Cross brothers.
Amazingly, the actives were able to acquire the radioactive substance through Tim Ovel who happened to have it on hand.
Mr. Ovel was questioned several hours and then released earlier today. We have been told that several lawyers representing alumni are putting together a class-action suit against whoever is to blame.
It appears several of them are blaming the burrito recipe for the large guts they acquired while living there.
Doctors are continuing to study Tony in hopes of reversing the effects and cleanup continues on the famous tower.
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